Me Challenge – Day 6


Before I make my entries I would like to share a link with you about the importance of self care  Please read this ladies blog on self care, you will only benefit!

When I was married, Everything I did was “for my family” I went without, I made all the sacrifices, I worked for my husband even though I didn’t want to and knew it was a mistake, I did, I did, I did.  Through all of the I did’s and I do’s I lost myself and created a world of no hope and a world where I was destined to be a “loser” a “failure” and what do you know… the world just kept handing me more reinforcements of this terrible life and feeling.  Your life truly is a reflection of what you feel about yourself, a 10 year lesson for me and still learning.  We kept fighting about money, kids, life choices, begging for some recognition and appreciation for all that I do and for just being me, you know having a partner in life.  It’s like a faint light was still inside, I knew there was something about me that was worthy of something!  But the reality is I had nothing for myself, I only felt lonely, unworthy, stuck and stupid, oh and can’t forget fat, yes I felt fat!  Crazy the amount of weight we give our body image.  So then you could say my marriage became a score card, yes I kept score, I wanted ammo when we fought, I wanted to prove how much I do, so he could start to love and appreciate me, you know like even up the score!  Do you know what this did?  It put us on opposite sides, created more hurt and once again reinforced my feeling of how pathetic my life and I am.  I became a professional victim, I was the abused one, just Google living with a narcissist and that was me, Google how to tell when your in an emotionally abusive relationship, I hit every sign.  So what did this mean?

I will fill you in tomorrow!

I am at work and we just hired a new member!  She’s just arrived so I must go back to work!

but I can’t forget about the challenge so here it is.

5 things to be grateful for:

  • My amazing life
  • my 2 girls
  • my mom
  • my friends
  • my healthy genes

5 I AM’S

  • I am beautiful
  • I am thin
  • I am full of energy
  • I am Lucky
  • I am mysterious (I like this one)